Elsie Mary

2007-09-25T19:41:00.000Z

2007-09-25T19:39:00.000Z

2007-09-25T19:33:00.000Z

2007-09-25T19:31:00.000Z

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2007-09-25T19:26:00.000Z

Tonight, once again, it hit me like a train. The terrifying extent to which I love that little girl.

I got home from work and she was crying inconsolably. Rob had been trying everything and she wouldn’t quieten down and she was so distressed. So I picked her up for a cuddle and gradually she calmed down and snuggled into my shoulder (this is very unusual, normally daddy is number one! And while this may give me the occasional pang, I realised tonight that being number one is a frightening and awesome responsibility I’m not sure I always want!) And as I held her I felt like I never wanted to let her go, ever ever ever. Like I never wanted to leave her again. She is the most precious thing I have ever known, and I would do anything to stop her from feeling hurt, or feeling sad.

I have been planning a couple of holidays for next year – Rob’s and my honeymoon, and a trip to India with Lorna – both for about ten days. And I think it’s important to do these things, to continue with my life outside of being a mum, and do the things that have always made me happy. But tonight I feel like Elsie is the only thing that matters. The only really important thing in the whole world. My beautiful beautiful beautiful girl.

2007-09-10T15:28:00.000Z

More of those pics. Don't know what went wrong the other evening but it wouldn't work.

We have had a really lovely day at home together today. We did an activity with Ruth and Thomas this afternoon - water play with coloured ice cubes. It was very messy and marvellous.

I love this one.

2007-09-07T20:35:00.000Z

I have been most remiss at blogging (or indeed not) lately. Must try harder. Life has been so bloomin' hectic. But I must - Elsie is so amazing at the moment, so interesting and changing every day, now more than ever it is important to document everything for posterity.

Last weekend Rob took some fantastic pictures of Elsie with the camcorder on still images mode. They are brill. So, hot off the press - here they are!

2007-08-06T12:35:00.000Z

Huge concentration writing an e and a l!

2007-08-06T12:31:00.000Z

She was so cool this morning! I was so proud of her. When we first got in the pool she was saying "no no nooo", not really cring or distressed but in a muttering under her breath, I'm not at all sure about this way.

Then we splashed about for a bit and she got used to it, but she didn't want me to stop cuddling her at all. Then a very nice boy gave her a ball, and she got quite into it, holding onto the ball with me supporting her round her waist and she was kicking her legs and everything. She is so brave! It was really good.

2007-08-05T17:55:00.000Z

It is absolutely horrible looking at this picture. This is just before we rushed off to hospital cause of her massively swollen lips. I can't believe I didn't notice sooner, looking at this picture it looks so obvious. It got far worse than this, but it is awful to think she looked like that and I was just snapping away with my camera. Uuuugh, horrible flashback.

By the way, tomorrow is my first Monday of not working, horaaaaaaaayyyy! Elsie and I are going to go swimming - I bought her a costume today, how exciting!

2007-08-05T17:53:00.000Z

Aaaaaaw, our family.

2007-08-05T17:50:00.000Z

Tee hee!

2007-08-05T17:48:00.000Z

We spent the first few trips up and down the stairs today battling with a very very cross Elsie who wanted to be carried. She is quite capable of going up and down stairs herself now, so we persevered through the tantrums – there were about three of them – and now she is going up and down herself no problems and no fuss. Amazing! In the middle of tantrum number two we were both getting a bit freaked out and said what we normally say when things get hard, “What would Dr Tanya do?” “She would turn going up stairs into a really fun game that she would love to play.” So Rob did, he went up before her and made it seem so much fun that she followed with only the least convincing of protestations!

But I’ve just taken her up to bed, and she went up by herself, carrying her own milk, climbed onto the chair herself, sat and drank her milk herself (first time not on one of our knees having a cuddle) – and was totally fine. It’s brilliant, but really brings home how quickly she’s growing up. Soon she’ll be moving out, getting her own place, getting a job – she needs me so much less than she used to and soon she won’t need me at all. Terrifying.

This is another pic of Elsie and I at Bargefest.

2007-07-24T18:32:00.000Z

A few weeks ago when I'd had my face painted at work!

2007-07-24T18:26:00.000Z

Another pic of Elsie at Bargefest! What a cutie.

I am going down to four days a week at work in about two weeks, hoorah! So I'll be spending more time with my babe. I'm actually going down to three days a week, but not til October.

2007-07-15T15:34:00.000Z

Although Elsie isn't in this pic, I wanted to share the finished product!

2007-07-15T15:32:00.000Z

Elsie getting creative on Dan's legs - she was doing this for ages!

2007-07-15T15:24:00.000Z

We are having a lovely weekend. We went up to Ashton Court festival yesterday and Elsie was brilliant - the life and soul of the party as always! She was dancing away to the music and loving it.

This morning she didn't get up until 9.15am which was great so we've all had a nice lie in, hoorah! We've just been reading George's Marvellous Medicine upstairs before she went down for her afternoon nap - I don't think she was really concentrating though!

This was last weekend at Bargefest - before we had to rush off to A&E when Elsie had her reaction, we think to hummus. It was such a glorious day before the six hours at the children's hospital. If you haven't already heard about this then don't worry, all is well now - we're just waiting to go and see an immunologist to see what it is that our delicate little flower is so violently allergic to, and feeding only the most dull, tried and tested foods in the meantime.

2007-07-11T12:52:00.000Z

2007-07-11T12:50:00.000Z

2007-07-11T12:47:00.000Z

Washing up together - could they be any cuter?!

2007-07-02T19:19:00.000Z

2007-07-02T19:14:00.000Z

2007-07-02T19:11:00.000Z

This is so lovely - they look like two angels sent down from heaven to fill our lives with joy!

2007-07-02T18:42:00.000Z

Elsie enjoying her smoothie enormously!

2007-07-02T18:38:00.000Z

Even the bloke at Snappy Snaps told me this was a brilliant photo when I picked them up yesterday! Rob took it though, not me, I have to admit. Isn't it ace?!

2007-06-27T16:39:00.000Z

Forgot I already put some up... I am loosing my mind!!

2007-06-27T16:17:00.000Z

There are only a couple of pics so far of Elsie at the wedding! But you can see how lovely her dress was, even if you can't see her face. She is so amazing at the moment, you can really have a conversation with her which is ACE!!

2007-06-23T14:43:00.000Z

I love this one! When I say she was ably looked after by aunties, they of course did not pause in their cider drinking for these duties!!

2007-06-23T14:40:00.000Z

2007-06-23T14:36:00.000Z

Rob and I are married, hoorah! And so now Elsie is respectable and we all have the same name, yay!! There aren't loads of pics of Elsie at the wedding as she was so ably looked after by aunties and granny, and managed to get loads of sleep throughout the day. But here are a few... She looked so very very gorgeous in her dress (and of course thoroughly outshone the bride!!)

2007-06-03T13:17:00.000Z

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2007-06-03T13:11:00.000Z

This was the day we went to the zoo.

2007-06-03T13:06:00.000Z

Elsie carrying her rounders bat menacingly round the house!

2007-06-03T13:03:00.000Z

2007-06-03T12:57:00.000Z

Her hair looks very cool in this picture!

Hey guess what, Elsie wrote an e and an l today - I always knew she was some kind of a genius!

2007-05-22T18:24:00.000Z

2007-05-22T18:22:00.000Z

Elsie in her very cute, if a little oddly shaped, French dungarees from granny.

2007-05-22T18:19:00.000Z

Elsie has been lovely tonight, we had a very bonding bath time of animal noises and singing. She is still my gorgeous girl, she’s just becoming her own woman! I think I’ve just been spoilt up till now really. I was speaking to a girl across the road who has a little boy a little older than Elsie and she is finding this stage an absolute joy because her son did so much crying and so little sleeping for the first 9 months of his life. Because Elsie was pretty easy really as a baby I am now shocked and horrified to discover than parenting isn’t a breezy bed of roses!! No, it wasn’t all easy, of course it wasn’t, but I always felt confident that I could trust my instincts, and Elsie and I could do our thing, and we were both happy so that was fine. But now there are decisions to be made, the way we deal with her behaviour and situations is a choice, not intuitive any more. It’s just harder than it was – there is still the joy and the wonder, but there’s other stuff too.

This is Elsie and Maria choosing us a DVD to watch (they chose Bride & Prejudice in the end!)

2007-05-20T11:16:00.000Z

Elsie and I with Maria and Lorna, back at home after the craziness of the hen weekend had passed.

2007-05-20T11:14:00.000Z

2007-05-20T11:11:00.000Z

Elsie on my hen weekend, picnicing up on the downs in the sunshine.

2007-05-20T11:08:00.000Z

Elsie and Charlie... aaah... they're so sweet!

2007-05-20T11:05:00.000Z

This is the way the ladies ride, actually I think this was gentlemen...

2007-05-20T11:01:00.000Z

Elsie and Paula in BOA.

2007-05-20T10:58:00.000Z

I love this picture cause she looks like a real little girl - I think it gives a glimpse of how she might look when she's a grown up!

2007-05-20T10:51:00.000Z

Elsie and I enjoying the BOA sunshine.

2007-05-20T10:49:00.000Z

Elsie out for lunch in Rosie and Jim's boat with the BOA ladies.

2007-05-20T10:44:00.000Z

Yesterday we went to the zoo. It was such a lovely day out – we had a picnic on the grass and looked at lots of animals. One of the first we saw were the lemurs, and Elsie did really well saying lemur. But then she seemed to think that lemur means animal in captivity, and called everything lemur. She did do some good roaring like a lion when we got to them though, which was very sweet. Not that the lions were doing much roaring, hmmm… it’s a real mixture of animals it’s great to see, and animals that you think woah should you be in a space this small being gawped at? Like the gorillas, they look so sad – I didn’t like it.

But it was definitely very stimulating for Elsie, and it’s lovely to see her enjoying herself. Mind you, I think her favourite discovery of the day was hummus, which I don’t think she’s eaten before – and which now seems to be the best thing in the world!

This is another pic of us out at Blaise castle.

2007-05-13T15:00:00.000Z

Ha ha ha!!

There are lots of lovely pictures of Elsie up on Facebook too by the way, from my hen weekend. You'd have to make friends with Zelia I think to see them.

2007-05-13T14:58:00.000Z

2007-05-13T14:55:00.000Z

The only way to travel!

2007-05-13T14:54:00.000Z

Elsie on the swing at Blaise castle - she wasn't sure!

2007-05-13T14:52:00.000Z

This was Elsie a couple of weeks ago playing a highly amusing game of catch in the garden with her gran!

2007-05-13T14:45:00.000Z

2007-05-13T14:43:00.000Z

Well, I have done it. I have officially requested to go down to three days a week at work. They have 28 days to let me know.
We totally can’t afford it, but we had decided on four and I kept not handing in the form and not really knowing why. And then I thought it has to be three. And we’ll be ok. It’s like when we got round to doing a budget when I was six months pregnant and realised oh no! We can’t afford to have a baby.

As Grandad says, every baby is born with a loaf of bread!

We had a really lovely day yesterday, we went out to the Cotswolds for walk in the rain. We had a pub lunch and Elsie was dashing round being funny and making friends! She also sat on a proper chair to eat her lunch cause they didn’t have high chairs which was very exciting! Then we went for our walk, which was three miles and Elsie walked for about half a mile of it (this half a mile took longer than the other two and a half I think!) It was really nice though – we saw horses, sheep and cows. Elsie was asleep in the rucksack for the sheep and the cows but she loved the horses, was totally fearless and wanted to stroke one.

This is Elsie sleeping in an amusing position!

2007-05-10T19:45:00.000Z

Elsie and the gorgeous Gemma - this is just after she had finished the first 'phase' of my wedding colour!

2007-05-10T19:42:00.000Z

2007-05-10T19:41:00.000Z

Elsie with Gemma and Dan - gorgeous!

2007-05-10T19:38:00.000Z

...and as Rob points out (how did he get so sensible?!) we're pretty lucky to get to nearly 18 months without feeling like it's that much like hard work.

Elsie and the luscious Daniel.

2007-05-10T19:34:00.000Z

When I put her to bed tonight though she was doing the eyes and ears and mouth and nose bit of heads, shoulders, knees and toes on me - which was very lovely. So she is still lush a good proportion of the time - I just need to deal with the times when she's not a bit less neurotically!

2007-05-10T19:30:00.000Z

It's just horrible to have moments where I feel like I don't like her - she's acting like a spoilt brat and I don't know if it's something I'm doing wrong.

It's not that she acts like this all the time, and she's been better tonight actually. But last night I got really upset - I find it so hard to admit that my feelings for her are anything other than total love and adoration, it feel likes some kind of betrayal.

2007-05-10T19:18:00.000Z

I am finding Elsie more challenging at the moment than at any time since her birth. She gets in a really bad mood and makes the most awful noise whenever she doesn't get her own way - and I don't know what to do. Rob, of course, retains total equanimity and says we just need to ignore it, and I know that's what Dr Tanya would say. But it's so annoying - why can't she just be reasonable?!

More pics of the day in the garden!

2007-05-02T19:57:00.000Z

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2007-05-02T19:53:00.000Z

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2007-05-02T19:50:00.000Z

Oh, what to do? What to do? I had my appraisal today and I asked Tom whether I can go part time at work. I have to decided whether I want to work three or four days a week, and then submit an official request. We have just been working some stuff out, and we’d be ok financially with four days, three days it’s looking pretty dodgy. Which is more important? I don’t know! To have more time with Elsie and to bake bread, and scrimp and save, or have more money so we can have nice weekends away, buy nice food etc, but still have a work/life balance which favours work???

Oh, I don’t know. I just know that it’s getting on for a year since I returned after maternity leave, and I don’t know where the time has gone, I really don’t. And I will not live my life like this. I want to suck the marrow, smell the roses, and enjoy my beautiful, wonderful little girl.

Hmmmm…. More piccies of our lovely Saturday in the garden a couple of weeks ago.

2007-04-23T10:46:00.000Z

But it's all good fun too!

2007-04-23T10:45:00.000Z

It's a serious business creating masterpieces - lots of concentration going on here.

2007-04-23T10:41:00.000Z

Elsie doing some painting.

2007-04-23T10:39:00.000Z

These are pictures from the end of the last film we got developed - I forgot to put them up before. Elsie and Rob enjoying some potato wedges

together!

2007-04-17T19:19:00.000Z

Oh, and happy birthday to granny for today!

2007-04-17T19:15:00.000Z

Cleaning and yoga simultaneously!

2007-04-17T19:13:00.000Z

2007-04-17T19:12:00.000Z

Hmm.. what shall I clean now??!

2007-04-17T19:10:00.000Z

First things first, Elsie and Rob go on their cleaning up the garden mission!

2007-04-17T19:05:00.000Z

Elsie was in a bit of a funny mood this evening, I think she might be teething again. She cheered up when we gave her some sausages though (our tea was obviously much nicer than hers) and was positively jolly by bath time.

I took mega loads of pictures with my phone on Saturday of our day frolicking in the garden, here we go...

2007-04-14T11:01:00.000Z

What a beautiful day it was - this was just before we scooped Elsie up to go off to the pub and drink bank holiday shandy!

2007-04-14T10:59:00.000Z

Going for a walk at the park last weekend - she's so grown up!

2007-04-14T10:58:00.000Z

Could she be... the most beautiful girl in the world... de de dee...

2007-04-14T10:55:00.000Z

She is supposed to be having her nap at the moment, but she is definitely not asleep up there. She seems quite happy though, just having a little sing.

This was last weekend in the garden, as you can see Elsie thinks things need a bit of a clean up out there - she's probably right.

2007-04-14T10:53:00.000Z

Loving Elsie is easy cause she's beautifu - hu -hul... la la la la la... la la la la la... la la la la la ah la la la la la la... do do do do do dohu... aaaaaaaaaa!

2007-04-14T10:51:00.000Z

Elsie getting lairy!

2007-04-14T10:50:00.000Z

One of the rare occasions Elsie has worn a skirt! I don't know why we don't put her in them more really, this is her lovely one from Auntie Katie.

2007-04-14T10:49:00.000Z

Another arty shot of Elsie in our room.

2007-04-14T10:45:00.000Z

Elsie is giving proper kisses! It is the loveliest thing I have ever seen. She has been kissing Rob and I on our noses this morning and laughing, it is just so gorgeous! She is so clever, it is amazing to see her learning all these new things. She is doing duck noises, and she knows to do it when she’s looking at the ugly duckling book, and with her ducks in the bath, which are two very different duck things, but she still knows they make the same noise.

It is so funny too to see her little ways, some of which are like me (love of cheese, love of sleep!), some of which are like Rob (everything in its place, excessive cleaning (she tried to clean the ground in the garden with baby wipes yesterday!)) and some of which are just Elsie. She is definitely pushing the boundaries and being naughty sometimes, but you can see she’s just figuring the world out, and sometimes when we say no she even seems quite pleased, especially if it’s something we’ve said no to before, because the world makes sense.

More pictures from my phone, this is from a couple of weeks ago, check out the great light!

2007-04-08T17:16:00.000Z

Dancing with her dad.

2007-04-08T17:15:00.000Z

2007-04-08T17:14:00.000Z

Despite being knackered she still managed to keep everyone entertained at dinner!

2007-04-08T17:12:00.000Z

As you can see she wasn't at her best - all my fault for keeping her up raging the night before!

2007-04-08T17:10:00.000Z

Elsie has just gone down for a long overdue afternoon nap – we were out at the park this afternoon and she was having a nice swing (which she is getting much more into these days it would seem) when Sarah called from the pub, so we grabbed Elsie out of the swing and hot footed it over there! She has been great though, playing her drum for everyone outside in the sunshine, lush! Shandy outside in the sunshine, that’s what the bank holiday is all about (not for Elsie of course, just juice).

Piccies from Katie’s wedding day now!

2007-04-07T11:12:00.000Z

This is very late on the Thursday night, after we had a gorgeous meal where Elsie was fantastic and really on form. With hindsight of course this is probably why she was in such a state the next day, but we did have a lush time that night. Here she is with Auntie Sally N, wanting to stay up and party some more!

2007-04-07T11:09:00.000Z

And on the way back, actually maybe it was the other way round. Anyway Elsie was great in the rehersal, and walked down the aisle very well (just a shame she didn't do it for the real thing!)

2007-04-07T11:06:00.000Z

I think this is on the way to the wedding rehersal.

2007-04-07T11:04:00.000Z

Now we start on the piccies from Ripley - the day before the wedding!

2007-04-07T11:03:00.000Z

I know I'm biased, but surely there is nothing lovelier than this little girl - oh how I love her.

2007-04-07T11:01:00.000Z

My favourite person in my favourite place.